Pod kůžíUnder the Skin

XVII.

Something woke me by brushing against my face.

At first, I thought the duvet was tickling me. Then it happened again, this time just below my ear, and I realised that duvets generally didn't have beards.

“Adam,” I mumbled with my eyes closed.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

Another kiss landed on my neck.

“That isn't nothing.”

“Checking to see if you're alive.”

“And?”

“So far, so good.”

I smiled into the pillow. I was lying on my side with my back to him, and Adam had his arms around my waist. One hand was tucked beneath my T-shirt, his thumb lazily stroking my stomach.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“I don't know.”

“Don't you have your phone?”

“I do.”

“Then look.”

“I can't.”

I opened one eye.

“Why?”

“I'm holding you.”

That made me laugh.

“That's a serious problem.”

“Pretty serious.”

I turned to face him. Adam's hair was even messier than usual, and he had that contented expression that was becoming dangerously familiar to me.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Morning.”

He leaned toward me, but stopped just before our lips met.

“Can I?”

I looked at him.

“After everything that's happened, you're really asking me that?”

“I was raised to be polite.”

“I mostly noticed that last night.”

Adam burst out laughing.

“Come on, I was completely innocent.”

“Of course.”

“You were the one who put the remote down.”

“And you didn't complain.”

“Because I was raised to be polite.”

I shook my head, caught him by the hem of his T-shirt, and pulled him toward me.

I kissed him.

Just a brief kiss. Then another, because I didn't want to stop.

Adam smiled against my lips.

“I could get used to mornings like this.”

“That's what you say now.”

“What should I say another time?”

“I don't know. Maybe when you find out I'm grumpy in the morning.”

“Elias.”

“What?”

“You just spent about five minutes kissing me of your own free will.”

“It wasn't five minutes.”

“I timed it.”

“Liar.”

“And now you're insulting me. You're really grumpy.”

I wanted to say something back, but instead I kissed him again. Adam held me tighter and drew me closer until there was hardly any space between us.

We lay there for a while. Every now and then we kissed, and every now and then one of us laughed at something silly. Adam brushed my hair away from my forehead, and I immediately messed up his even more.

“Hey!” he protested.

“What?”

“I spend ages making my hair look this good in the morning, and you ruin it.”

I inspected his head.

“I'd love to see that process.”

“It's pretty complicated.”

“Looks like you wrestled with a pillow.”

“And I won.”

“The pillow?”

Without warning, Adam rolled me onto my back.

“You shouldn't have said that.”

I laughed and tried to wriggle away, but he held me around the waist and started planting kisses all over my face. One on my forehead, another on my nose, then one on my chin.

“Adam!” I laughed. “Stop it!”

“Apologise.”

“For what?”

“The pillow.”

“Never!”

Another kiss landed just beside my mouth.

“Last chance.”

I took his face in both hands.

“I'm sorry you lost to the pillow.”

He froze for a moment.

Then he laughed so hard that he collapsed against my shoulder.

And I laughed with him.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed like that after waking up. Without wondering whether I was being too loud, too clingy, or simply too much.

Adam lifted his head.

“What is it?” he asked when he noticed me looking at him.

I shook my head.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing again?”

I brushed my thumb over his cheek.

“I'm just glad you're here.”

His smile softened a little.

“Me too.”

He leaned in and kissed me. This time, slowly, without teasing.

When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine.

“But I have one problem.”

“What?”

“I'm starting to get hungry.”

I sighed.

“Romance is dead.”

“Sorry. Can I be romantically hungry?”

“No.”

“What if I kiss you one more time?”

I pretended to think about it.

“Maybe.”

Adam leaned toward me, and this time I didn't make him wait.

A few minutes later, I finally dragged myself out of bed. Adam protested for a while, but as soon as I mentioned scrambled eggs, he followed me to the kitchen without complaint.

I took out a pan, cracked the first egg, and immediately felt arms wrap around my waist.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Helping.”

Adam rested his chin on my shoulder and pressed himself against my back.

“Right. And how exactly?”

“Moral support.”

“That's nice of you.”

I tried to reach for the salt, but Adam moved with me. When I took a step toward the stove, he took one too.

“Adam.”

“Hm?”

“You know I need to move around, right?”

“You are moving.”

“With you stuck to my back.”

“That's a bonus.”

I laughed and tried to nudge him away with my elbow. He didn't budge. Instead, he kissed my neck.

“You're like a leech.”

“A cute one.”

“That's debatable.”

“Ouch.”

I stirred the eggs and glanced at his pleased expression beside mine.

“You know what? If you're so desperate to help, at least make us some coffee.”

Adam finally let me go.

“Yes, boss.”

I turned to look at him.

“Two coffees, please.”

“Really? I thought they were both for me.”

“Adam!”

He laughed, but before he reached the coffee maker, he came back, put his arms around my waist, and kissed me quickly.

“Now I'm going.”

I watched him finally get started on the coffee and shook my head.

It was strange how quickly you could get used to someone getting in your way in the kitchen.

Stranger still that I didn't want him to stop.

Adam carried both coffees to the table in the living room. I divided the eggs between two plates, quickly sliced some cucumber and pepper, and went after him.

I found him bundled up in a blanket on the sofa, staring absently at the two cups in front of him.

I stopped.

Just a moment ago, he'd been laughing, teasing me in the kitchen, and refusing to let me out of his reach. Now he looked thoughtful. Maybe even a little sad.

And immediately, my mind started racing with thoughts I'd naively believed I had under control these past few days.

Had something happened? Had I said something wrong? Did he mind that I'd sent him to make coffee? Had I been too clingy this morning?

Damn it.

Adam was only sitting on my sofa, looking at the coffee.

I set the plates on the table and sat down beside him.

“Hey,” I said, gently nudging his shoulder with mine. “What's wrong?”

Adam looked up at me.

“Hm?”

“You look a little sad.”

He studied me for a moment. Then he smiled, but it wasn't his usual mischievous smile.

“I was just thinking about something.”

I nodded and reached for my cup so I'd have something to do with my hands.

I wanted to ask if I'd done something wrong. The question was almost on the tip of my tongue.

Instead, I looked at him.

“Do you want to tell me what about?”

Adam burrowed a little deeper into the blanket.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I think so.”

And suddenly I realised I was afraid of what he might say.

Adam was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed and looked at me.

“I have to go to my flat today.”

I blinked.

“Well... of course.”

“I need to do some laundry, pack my things, and tidy up a bit. Dad's picking me up on Tuesday, and I'm going home.”

“I know.”

“And then it's Christmas.”

I nodded.

“Adam, I know when Christmas is.”

He finally smiled a little, but then lowered his eyes to his cup.

“Exactly.”

I stared at him for a moment, trying to understand what he was really telling me.

“Wait. Are you sad because you have to go home?”

“No.”

“Then because you have to go to your flat?”

He shook his head.

“Elias.”

“What?”

He reached for my hand and laced his fingers through mine.

“Because I won't see you for a few days, you idiot.”

I stared at him in surprise.

“Oh.”

Adam laughed.

“Oh?”

“Well... I didn't know that's what you meant.”

“What did you think I meant?”

I shrugged and looked down at our joined hands.

“I don't know. That something was bothering you.”

“It is.”

“But...”

I didn't finish the thought.

Could he really miss something we'd only just begun to have?

Adam gently squeezed my hand.

“Look, I know it's not the end of the world. I just realised I probably won't be here tonight. Or tomorrow. And then I'll be gone.”

“But we'll text,” I pointed out.

“Definitely.”

“And call.”

“Of course.”

“So...”

Adam tilted his head.

“So what?”

I looked at him.

“I'm going to miss you,” I said quietly.

Adam smiled.

“There you go. You're starting to get it.”

“I'm a little slow sometimes.”

“A little?”

I nudged him with my elbow.

“Hey!”

He laughed and pulled me closer until I was leaning against his shoulder.

“I'm going to miss you too,” he murmured into my hair.

We sat like that for a while. The coffee and the eggs I'd prepared so carefully just a few minutes earlier were cooling on the table in front of us.

I lifted my head and looked at him.

“You know your eggs are getting cold?”

Adam looked at the plates, then back at me.

“Then we'll eat them.”

“That's a brilliant solution.”

“I know. That's why you love me.”

I froze for a moment. Adam didn't seem to notice. He was already reaching for his plate, trying to do it without getting out from under the blanket.

That's why you love me.

He'd said it so casually. As if there was nothing unusual about it at all.

And maybe there wasn't.

“Well?” he interrupted.

“What?”

“Are you going to keep staring at me, or are you going to pass me a fork?”

I handed it to him and started eating my breakfast.

We ate in silence for a while. Adam had the blanket over his knees and occasionally stole a piece of pepper from my plate, even though he had exactly the same thing on his.

“Hey, what are you going to do?” he asked after a while.

“When?”

“At Christmas.”

“I'm going to my parents' on Thursday morning. I'll be back on Sunday, and I have work on Monday.”

“So you'll be back in Prague before I am.”

“Probably. What about you?”

“I don't know exactly when I'll be going back yet. It depends on what my parents want.”

I nodded and took a sip of coffee.

“But I'll text you,” he added.

I looked at him over my mug.

“You'd better.”

Adam smiled.

“And I'll call.”

“All right.”

“And maybe I'll send you a photo, too.”

“Of what?”

“Me. So you don't forget what I look like.”

I almost choked on my coffee.

“After a few days?”

“You never know.”

“I think I'll take that risk.”

Adam laughed, and I laughed with him.

When we'd finished, I carried the plates to the kitchen. Adam followed me, no longer wrapped in the blanket, and stood beside the sink.

“I'll wash up.”

I looked at him in surprise.

“You? Voluntarily?”

“I'm a man of many talents.”

“I've already heard that today.”

“And you still underestimate me.”

I handed him the sponge.

“All right. Show me.”

I leaned against the counter and watched him turn on the water. After a moment, he turned to me.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“That look again.”

“What look?”

“Like I'm doing something incredibly interesting.”

I shrugged.

“Maybe you are.”

Adam shook his head, but he was smiling. I watched him for a while. When he'd washed the last plate, he dried his hands and came over to me.

“Hey,” he said. “I don't have to leave right away.”

“I know.”

“We could put something on. Or go for a walk.”

I looked at him.

“What if we just didn't have to do anything today?”

Adam smiled. He put his arms around my waist, and I rested mine on his shoulders.

I kissed him.

Then I kissed him again, because I could.

This time, I wasn't thinking about how he'd be leaving in a few hours. He was here for now, and I didn't want to ruin Sunday by thinking about Tuesday.

We kept kissing. I wanted him to know that I wasn't ready to let him go anywhere just yet.

After a while, Adam's kisses grew more passionate. He slipped a hand under my T-shirt and stroked my back, while his other hand held the back of my head, as if to keep me from moving even an inch away. Then he pulled that hand from beneath my shirt, slid it under me, and lifted me into his arms. He carried me into the living room and laid me on the sofa, so carefully, as if he were afraid I might break.

He knelt over me and straightened up for a moment, his eyes fixed on mine. I lifted my hand and stroked his cheek. I didn't want him to stop what he'd started. I gave a small nod. That little, mischievous smile appeared on Adam's face. He bit his lower lip and pulled his T-shirt over his head.

I couldn't take my eyes off him.

And this time, I wasn't even a little ashamed of it.

He bent down and kissed me again. I ran my hands slowly over his back, from his shoulders to his waist. Beneath my fingers, I could feel his warm skin and the muscles that tensed slightly with every movement.

I pulled him closer.

Adam drew back just enough to look into my eyes. He stroked my cheek and ran his thumb across my lower lip. I turned my head and kissed his palm.

Then I lifted myself a little and reached for the hem of my T-shirt.

Adam helped me pull it over my head. He tossed it somewhere onto the floor and paused.

He looked at me.

In the past, I probably would have looked away at a moment like this. Maybe I would have tried to cover myself, or at least said something to distract him.

This time, I simply reached out, put my hand on the back of his neck, and pulled him toward me again.

His lips touched my forehead, my cheek, and finally my mouth. I closed my eyes and let him hold me. Adam supported my back with one hand and stroked my side with the other.

Neither of us said anything.

And I liked it that way.

When he lifted himself again, I caught his eye. He was smiling. Not his usual cheeky smile, but something different. Softer.

I ran my fingers over his cheek and then his shoulder.

I didn't want to think about what would happen in an hour. Or about him leaving that evening.

Adam bent down to me again. He kissed my neck, and I threaded my fingers through his hair. We kissed slowly, without hurrying. His palm moved over my back, and I felt my breathing quicken beneath his touch.

But after a while, it wasn't enough.

I put my hands on his shoulders and gently made him pull back a little. He looked at me in surprise. I took the opportunity to sit up and push him back against the cushions.

Adam raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?”

I didn't answer. I just smiled and kissed him.

This time, I set the pace.

Adam wrapped his arms around my waist, but let me find my own way to be as close to him as possible. When I pulled away for a moment, he looked at me with an astonishment he couldn't quite hide.

I had to smile.

It was rather nice to see him speechless for once.

I brushed my fingers over his cheek and kissed him again. Adam closed his eyes, rested his head against the cushion, and pulled me closer.

In that moment, I realised how much I liked not having to rush. I could be bold, gentle, or a little cheeky, and Adam would let me.

When I looked at him again, he was smiling.

“You're surprising me today,” he murmured.

“Is that good or bad?”

He stroked my back.

“Very good.”

I laughed and hid his smile in another kiss.

I tilted my head and began kissing his neck. He gave a soft sigh and turned his head to give me more room. With every kiss, I moved a little lower. I paused at his stomach and looked at Adam. His eyes were closed, his head tilted slightly back, his lips parted. He was breathing heavily. I stroked his chest lightly with my fingertips. With my right hand, I began to pull down his boxers. Adam suddenly opened his eyes and looked straight at me. We held each other's gaze for a moment. I smiled at him and gave a little shrug. I looked at him for a moment longer. He was lying there in front of me, naked and... aroused. I shifted his leg so I had room to kneel between his thighs. I began kissing him below the navel. Another quiet sigh. The sound gave me the courage to keep going.

When my mouth touched him, Adam's body arched like a bow. I had to smile to myself; it was the reaction I'd been hoping for.

Adam moaned, louder this time, and put a hand on the back of my head, threading his fingers into my hair. This time, I moaned too.

I began to tease him with my tongue. I looked up and could tell from Adam's expression that he wouldn't last much longer. I took him in my hand and continued with my mouth. It didn't take long. Adam tried to sit up and said breathlessly, “I can't hold on any longer!”

He was right. His whole body suddenly began to tremble. The fingers tangled in my hair tightened for a moment, then slowly relaxed.

When he fell back onto the sofa, he pulled me up toward him. I rested my head on his shoulder and left my hand on his chest. I could feel how fast he was breathing and how hard his heart was beating.

We lay there like that for a while. Adam put one arm around my shoulders and slowly ran his other hand over my back. Absent-mindedly, I traced little circles on his chest with my fingers and listened as his breathing gradually settled.

After a while, he kissed my hair. I pressed a little closer to him and contentedly closed my eyes.

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Hm?”

“You like it, don't you?”

I lifted my head.

“What?”

Adam smiled a little.

“When you make me feel good. When you can see how much I'm enjoying it.”

I felt my cheeks starting to burn.

God. He really wanted to talk about it.

“Well... yeah,” I mumbled.

“A lot?”

I hid my face against his shoulder.

Adam laughed softly.

“Elias, I'm just asking.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you hiding?”

“Because you're talking about it.”

He laughed and kissed my hair.

“I see. So you can do it, but you can't talk about it?”

“Exactly.”

“All right. I'll keep that in mind.”

There was silence for a while.

“But yeah,” I finally added so quietly he could barely hear me. “I really like it.”

Adam held me a little tighter.

“I noticed.”

“Adam!”

He laughed again, and I hit him with a pillow.

Adam was still laughing when I tossed the pillow onto the floor.

“Shall we put something on?” I asked.

“Sure.”

“But I'm choosing this time.”

“That sounds like a threat.”

“It is.”

Adam laughed and reached for the remote on the coffee table. He handed it to me, and I started scrolling through the shows.

In the end, we chose something we'd both seen before. Neither of us minded.

Adam stretched out on the sofa, and I settled beside him. He pulled a blanket over us and drew me close. I rested my head on his shoulder, laid one arm across his stomach, and let out a contented sigh.

We still paid fairly close attention to the first episode. During the second, Adam started commenting on the plot, and I told him to be quiet because I couldn't hear anything over him.

Sometime during the third episode, I stopped paying attention to what was happening on screen. Adam slowly ran his fingers along my forearm, while I played with his other hand. Every so often, I kissed his knuckles. Sometimes he leaned down to kiss me.

I felt good.

I just wished the afternoon would last a little longer.

When the next episode ended, Adam glanced at the clock.

I noticed.

“Already?” I asked.

He sighed.

“I guess so.”

Neither of us moved for a while.

“Five more minutes?” he suggested.

I smiled.

“Ten.”

“Fifteen.”

“Deal.”

In the end, it turned into almost twenty.

Only then did Adam push the blanket aside and reluctantly sit up. He reached for his T-shirt, which had ended up on the floor beside the sofa, and pulled it over his head.

I turned off the television.

It was strange watching him get dressed. Just a moment earlier, we'd been lying in each other's arms, and now he was fastening his trousers and looking for the sock that had mysteriously disappeared under the coffee table.

Once he was dressed, I walked him to the hallway.

He put on his shoes and jacket, then turned to me.

“I should go.”

“I know.”

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. I put my hands on his shoulders and let him pull me close. He kissed me. It wasn't a hurried goodbye peck, just a long, ordinary kiss. My eyes were closed, and I didn't want to pull away at all.

When we finally let go, Adam smiled at me.

“I'll text you.”

“Okay.”

He stroked my cheek once more.

“Take care, Elias.”

“You too.”

He opened the door, looked at me one last time, and stepped into the hallway.

I waited until he disappeared around the corner before closing the door.

I stood in the hallway.

The flat was quiet.

I'd always liked the quiet. After a long day at work, I looked forward to coming home, closing the door behind me, and finally having some peace. No one would want anything from me. No one would talk to me.

But now the silence felt different somehow.

I carried the mugs from the living room to the kitchen, folded the blanket, and put the cushions back in their places. There was no sign on the sofa that we'd spent the whole afternoon lying there.

Except for one thing.

I could still smell Adam on it.

I stood there for a moment, then went to the kitchen.

I put the kettle on for tea.

While it heated, I looked out the window. It was already dark. A few windows were lit in the building opposite, and a car passed along the street below.

I poured the tea, held the mug in both hands, and went back to the living room.

I sat on the wide windowsill, leaned my back against the window frame, and drew my knees up to my chest.

A few stars appeared between the clouds beyond the glass.

I used to sit like this often. I'd look up at the night sky and enjoy being alone. Not having to go anywhere, talk to anyone, or wait for anyone.

I took a sip of tea and gazed at one of the stars.

Today, I would rather have had someone sitting beside me.